A Fic For All G-Wing Fanfic Authors- The Result
by griff drake
Summary: I've really lost it this time, the boys are trapped, their only means of escape are mice with mallets, teeny bikinis, Cheeze-whiz, and so much more....


A Fic For All G-Wing Fanfic Authors (Completed ****

A Fic For All G-Wing Fanfic Authors (Completed!)

Author: griff drake

Warnings: Complete and Utter Insanity!!!!!! (and some very small hints of yaoi)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or anything else in this fic that I don't own but forgot to mention. 

A/N: Hi everybody! Before I get started, I would just like to thank everyone who submitted a review or suggestion for the fic. I gathered all the suggestions up, mixed 'em together, tossed in some magic dust and a few spoonfuls of the stuff in the back of the freezer, shook it all up, and voila! Oh, and before you start reading, lemme just warn you that practically everybody in this fic gets bashed, including myself, thanks to Sir Bash a-lot. (A little mouse steps out, a tiny knight's helmet on its head. It then smiles and pulls out a big, jumbo, supersized times ten mallet, known as the Basher 9000.) *blinks* Um, yea, okay. So, just letting you know ahead of time. And if you MUST flame, please be careful. Remember, only you can prevent fic fires. Okay then, on with the show!

Previously, I, griff, have held the boys captive. Their only means of escape are by taking the seemingly endless dirt road, or choosing the author's special, which my fellow authors and I have happily concocted. Now, onto the main event!

We find the boys where we left them, outside my HQ, doddling about.(Actually, they look kinda like wild cats in a cage. Ya know, pacing back and forth, growling) 

Wufei: "Onna! You free us right now! This is without question injustice!" 

~The two heavy, bullet proof doors slowly slide open. The boys cautiously peer into the darkness and see one lone figure standing in the middle of the room. The light slowly pours into the building, and upon the figure revealing her as griff drake, still dressed in the boy's clothes. Her eyes are closed and her head bowed down. Heero snarls and quickly reaches for where his gun would be, but alas, it's not there. He frowns, then glares back at the girl.

griff: *Eyes open as she looks up* Alright fellas, two options. You can turn around and run down that road, or, you can take the original author's approach.

Heero *snorts, then turns and looks down the seemingly endless dirt road behind him, then turns back to griff* "Where does that one lead?"

griff: *shrugs* I dunno, but it will get you out, eventually.

Heero: "Hn. And what is the other option?"

griff: *smiles* The author's special. You each have to preform one small "act" thought up by the authors and myself. After you've finished, you're free to leave, safe and sound.

Wufei: "That sounds too simple, far too simple for you crazy authors."

Trowa: *nods* "Carefull Heero, there's probably a loophole or two somewhere."

Duo: "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm goin' with the author's special. The God of Death is strong enough to take whatever they dish out."

Quatre: "Yes, well, our odds with the author's special do sound better than if we were to take the road. I believe I'll have to agree with Duo.

Trowa: *sigh* "I'll do as you do Quatre."

Heero: "Hnn, we get our clothes and money back too, right, no loopholes?"

griff: Of course Heero! I'm an honest and trustworthy person!

Heero: "And you'll return my gun too?"

griff: Well, yea, but just as long as you promise not to shoot me with it.

Heero: *frown* "Fine. But NO loopholes or fine print, got it?"

griff: I thought I was the one making the deals, but yea, sure Heero.

Heero: "Hn. Very well, we all agree to the author's special. There."

Wufei: "What?! I didn't agree!"

Heero: "Quiet Wufei, (To Wufei) You can get your justice later, I guarantee it."

Wufei: *frown* "Very well."

griff: *Eyes Heero suspiciously* Alright, um, Wufei! Pick a number one through five."

Wufei: "Five."

griff: *smiles* Okidokey, you get to go first.

Wufei: "What?! In,"

griff: "NO injustice, that was perfectly just and you know it."

Wufei: *frowning* "Hmph."

griff: Okay. *snaps her fingers, clearing away all of the pilots except Wufei who is standing behind a blue and white striped curtain at the beach*

Quatre and Trowa are sitting together on a towel, an umbrella shading them. Trowa's in a pair of green swim trunks and Quatre's in a white tanktop and a pair of white and pink striped swim trunks.

Trowa: *singing* He was afraid to come out of the locker, he was nervous as he could be, he was afraid to come out of the locker, afraid that somebody would see

Quatre: *also singing* One, two, three, four tell the people what he wore 

Both: It was an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini that he wore for the first time today, an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini

Trowa: So in the locker he wanted to stay

(picture moves to Wufei sitting in the locker in an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini, sweating and biting his nails.)

Quatre: Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more

(Suddenly, the curtain to the locker is pushed open as a crowd of Wufei's fans grab the embarrassed Chinese pilot and drag him out. Wufei quickly grabs a towel and wraps it around himself as he's being dragged across the sand.)

Trowa: He was afraid to come out in the open so in a blanket around he wore, he was afraid to come out in the open and so he sat bundled up on the shore

(Wufei's sitting at the edge of the water in his towel, his knees hugged tight to his chest, his fans all sitting around him.)

Quatre: Two, three, four tell the people what he wore

Wufei's fans: It was an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini that he wore for the first time today, an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini

Trowa: So in the blanket he wanted to stay

Quatre: Two, three, four stick around we'll tell you more

(Wufei's fans pull the towel off of Wufei and begin cuddling it as Wufei yelps and leaps into the water.)

Trowa: Now he's afraid to come out of the water, and I wonder what he's gonna do, now he's afraid to come out of the water and poor little Wu's turning blue

Quatre: Two, three, four tell the people what he wore

(Zechs and Treize just happened to be in the water too, and they're now circling around Wufei.)

Zechs & Treize: It was an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini that he wore for the first time today, an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini

Everyone on the beach except for Wufei: So in the water he wanted to stay, from the locker to the blanket from the blanket to the shore from the shore to the water yes there isn't any more.

(Everyone and the scene go back to normal. Wufei's fuming and growling at griff who's sitting on the ground trying to stop laughing.)

griff: Okay, *giggle* good work Wufei *snort* here ya go.

(griff snaps her fingers, returning Wufei's clothes and money)

griff: You can all leave once each of you has finished. All right Quatre, you're next.

(griff snaps again and this time the scene opens with Quatre sitting in Sandrock's cockpit. He's wearing a baggy, pink jersey with a four on the back, a pair of baggy khakis on, his white boxer with chibi Sandrocks on them hanging out of his pants. His goggles are under his bangs and he has various heavy, gold plated chain necklaces around his neck and golden rings on his fingers. The other pilots are back outside the hangar in similar wear except in different colors and numbers on the backs, and not as much jewelry.)

Heero,Trowa,Duo,Wufei: "Where they at, where they at, where they at, where they at, where they at

Quatre: "If you wanna go take a ride wit me, we three wheelin' in the four with the gold cv's, oh why do I look this way?"

H,T,D,W: "Hey, must be the money"

Quatre: "If you wanna go get high wit me smoke an L in the back with the Benz, oh why do I feel this way?"

H, T, D, W: "Hey, must be the money"

Quatre: "In the club on a late night, feel ya right, Lookin' tryin' ta spot some real nice, lookin' for a little shorty I noticed so that I can take home"

H, T, D, W: "I can take home"

Quatre: "She can be fourteen wit an attitude or fifteen kinda snotty actin' real rude, But as long as you a thicky thicky thick then girl you know it's on"

H, T, D, W: "You know it's on"

Trowa: "I peep summin comin' towards me on the dance floor, sexy and real slow, and sayin' she was peepin' and I dig the last show, somewhere that we could go, how could I tell her no? Her measurements were 36-25-34 I like the way you brush your hair and I like the stylish clothes you wear, I like the way the light hit the ice and glare, and I can see you boo from way over there"

Quatre: "If you wanna go take a ride wit me we three wheelin' in the four wit the gold cv's, oh why do I look this way?"

H, T, D, W: "Hey, must be the money"

Heero: "Face a body front that, don't know how to act, without my vouchers all the hoochies bringin' nothin' back, you should feel the impact, shop over plas when the sky's the limit, and them haters can't get part that, four guy siy pley, was there any paint change, every time I switch lanes, it feel strange now, makin' a livin' off my brain, instead of pain now, I got the title from Doctor J put the pimpin' on name now, damn shit to change now, blowin' up stuff with now shame now, I feel a thang now, I can't complain, shit I'm the man now, in and out my own town, niggas out in the colony, from AC tellin' me bout a party down in NYC, and can I make it? Damn right, I be on the next flight, man can, first class sittin' next to Duo, alright?

Q, T, D, W: "Hey, must be the money"

Quatre: "Hey yo, now that I'm a fly guy, and I fly high, niggas wanna know why, why I fly by, Hey yo, it's all good, Sandrock all would, Trowa should, fuck me good, suck me good, we be them stuck niggas, poppin' like we drug dealers, simply cause she bug mackin' Honey in the club, me in the Gundam, I see cute tellin' me to leave wit you and your friends, so if shorty wanna rock we rockin' to this, and if shorty wanna knock, we knockin' to this, and if shorty wanna hop, we hop into this, shorty wanna see the ice then I ice the wrist, If you wanna go take a ride wit' me, we three wheelin' in the four with the gold cv's, oh why do I feel this way?"

H, T, D, W: "Hey, must be the money, yea, must be the money"

(the scene fades out as everything returns to normal)

griff: O.O Umm, thank you, Quatre. *Snaps him back his clothes and his 'hey, must be the money'* All right, your turn, Trowa. *Snaps again, this time the scene is another beach one, but in Jamaica. Trowa comes out in a pair of red swim trunks, a yellow, green, and red striped shirt, and a matching Jamaican hat, a black wig with dreadlocks under that, though you can still see his trademark unibang*

Trowa: "Ey mon, listen up mon. M'name's Trowa Barton, an' I'm ere to represent my home, Jamaica." Trowa sits down on the sand, picks up a steel drum and begins playing on it and singing. "Oh, everybody's got a home, everybody's got a background. Ya, Heero is from Japan, and Duo he's da American mon. Quatre is da only blonde Arabian dat I ever seen. An' Wufei mon, he's Chinese,ya, but dat's easy to see. Oh but me, I don't have a home, no, no, just other people's land to roam, well I was lost, but now I'm found, ever since I touched Jamaica's sweet ground. Oh Jamaica, ya dat's my home, oh Jamaica, don't need nowhere else to roam, 'cuz I've got Jamaica, my long lost home, ya Jamaica, no where else to roam. Oh, when I told this to Cathy, she said I was nuts, said I had super amnesia or ate a green UTZ, oh but no, it is true, for I found Jamaica across that sea of blue. Oh Jamaica, the land I love, thank you Jamaica, you're like a saint from above, ya Jamaica, it's where I'm from, oh Jamaica, like sweet, sweet rum. Well, you can say I don't look like my fellow Jamaican men, and you can say dat I got hit on da head. Ya, you can say a lot, oh yes you can, but you can never take away my love for my homeland." Trowa goes into a drum solo as the other pilots step out in front of him.

Heero: "I'm actually Mexican, Hola."

Duo: "And I'm a communist Russian!" *grins*

Wufei: "I'm Australian, G'day."

Quatre: "And I'm Arabian!" *smiles*

All the pilots except Trowa move out of the way as he begins singing again.

Trowa: "Jamaica, the land I love, Ya Jamaica, sent from above, I'm Jamaican, and proud of it, ya Jamaican, don't care if I don't look like I fit."

Everything returns to it's normal state once again as Trowa's clothes and money are returned to him.

griff: *snickers* Mexican, Heero, he he.

Heero: "Hn. I'm not Mexican."

Duo: *aside to Heero* "I think that's what she was implying."

Heero: "I'm aware of that, Duo."

Duo: "Just wanted to make sure, no need to get snippy."

Wufei: "Snippy?"

Duo: *blushes slightly* "Sorry, I was helping at the nursing home."

Wufei: "Nursing homes are for the weak!"

Duo: "Hey! Don't dis the elderly, Wu-man. It's not their fault they're old!"

Quatre: "He is right Wufei. You know, you'll be old too someday."

Wufei: "Even if I get old I will not rely on such weakling establishments as nursing homes."

Duo: "What's with you man?! All you have to do there is sit in a bed, have nurse chicks bring you whatever you need, you don't have to work, what's better than that?"

Wufei: "Being strong and independent you weakling!"

Duo: "Okay, that's it Chang. I've had enough of your weakling talk. One, I AM strong, two, I've been independent my whole life, three, I'm not weak, and four, I'm hot, sexy, I've got the hair, AND I'm the God of Death. Beat that justice man."

Wufei: "Why you,"

giff: All right boys, let's settle down,

Duo&Wufei: "Stay out of this woman/chick!"

giff: Hmph! Duo, just do your act. Wufei, don't make me get Sir Bash-A-Lot.

Wufei: "I'm not afraid of a weak little mouse!"

giff: *smirks* Okay. But don't come cryin' injustice to me. *griff snaps fingers as Duo's act starts.*

The scene is a dark, slightly futuristic city, Bigcityopolis to be exact. Oh, and it's night time.

The city is quiet, too quiet. Suddenly, a scream is heard and a dark and shadowy figure emerges from the shadows and soars off in the direction of the scream. The figure soon arrives outside a grocery store, dashes in, and stops behind a crowd of people. 

Relena: "Help, someone help!"

The figure makes his way through the crowd as the people gasp.

Figure: "I'm not Someone, but I am someone, who can help."

Random person: "You're, you're,"

Figure: "Yes, I am, *insert dramatic music* Thatman!"

The crowds gasp as the shadows reveal the figure to be Thatman (aka Duo clad in all black spandex and a cool cape)

Duo: "Now, what is the problem?"

Relena: *sobbing and sniffling* "Oh, it was horrible, he, he just came in, and, and, Oh, WAHHHH!

Relena points to the center of the crowd. And there, lying motionless on the cold, tile floor is a small, harmless tube of Cheeze-whiz. And its been poked, a lot.

Duo: "Egads!" He bends down and carefully scoops the Cheeze-whiz into his arms. Doctor Sally and Nurse Noin then rush up to him.

Sally : "We got here fast as we could. Is it, too late?"

Duo gently hands to Cheeze-whiz to Sally who presses her fingers up near its cap, then sadly shakes her head and hands it to Noin.

Sally: "I'm sorry. We're too late. It was poked to death."

The crowds gasp and begin sobbing.

Duo: "There's only one person vile enough to do this, the Poker."

The crowds gasp at the mention of the name of the most evil supervillan in all of Bigcityopolis.

Duo: "Fear not good citizens, I shall defeat this no good doer once and for all."

He then turns and flies out of the store.

Hilde: "Who is he?"

Crowd: "Thatman!"

Hilde: "No. Who is he, really?"

Crowd: "Thatman!"

Hilde: "No! That's his disguise! Who is he really?"

Crowd: "Duo Maxwell?"

Hilde: "What?! No! Duo doesn't wear spandex, he doesn't have a cape, he can't fly, and he doesn't hold Cheeze-whiz the way Thatman does." *dreamy sigh*

Crowd: "Oooh." *All nod their heads*

Meanwhile, Thatman has the Poker cornered in an alley, a dark alley, with rats, and old newspapers, and slime, and an old homeless guy named Fred.

Duo: "You think you can poke Cheeze-whiz and get away with it, Poker?"

Wufei: "No. I don't think I can. I know I can, I just did!"

Fred: "Oooh"

Duo: "But you didn't get away with it, because I have you cornered, and you aren't going anywhere."

Fred: "Ooooh"

Wufei: "Are you sure about that?"

Fred: "oooh"

Duo: "Yes."

Fred: "Ooooh"

Wufei: "Oh yea?"

Fred: "Oooh"

Duo: "Yea."

Fred: "Ooooh"

The poker smiles, then reaches into his never ending pocket of pokey stuff and pulls out, the Pokey Stick!

Wufei: "I hope you like poked Cheeze-whiz, because that's what you'll be when I'm through with you!"

Fred: "Oooh"

Duo: "Egads! But alas Poker, you shall never defeat me!"

Wufei: "And why is that?"

Duo: "Because justice is on my side! Ha ha ha!"

Wufei: "What are you talking about? Justice is always on my side!"

Duo: "But you are a villain, a bad guy, you are eeeevil. And justice never takes the side of the evil."

Wufei: "NOOOOOOOO!"

And so, justice prevailed and Thatman saved the day, er, night once again! *Thatman's theme song begins playing* Who's that, who's that, who's that man, Thatman!

(Duo's clothes, money, and Cheeze-whiz are returned to him)

Wufei: "You baka onna! How dare you put that injustice upon me?!"

Griff: Don't insult the mouse. *Sir Bash-A-Lot smiles and squeaks*

Heero: "Hurry up, let's just get this over with so we can go."

Griff: As you wish oh Spandexy one who does not have his spandex at the moment because I am wearing it. *Smiles and snaps*

The scene opens with Heero dressed in Ash Ketchum's clothes, 'cept these ones are much more, spandexy. He's walking in a green field, the sun and clouds overhead, Relena dressed in Misty's clothes beside him, Howard in Brocks clothes behind him, and a little yellow rat creature with a huge nose in front of them. The theme song then begins to play. I know I'm the very best, because I've got my own show, I've failed every SOL test, so a Parodymon hunting I'll go, with my pals Ditsy and Cock, and my Parodymon Achoo, Parodymon, gotta bash 'em all!

Narrator(Wufei): "Our friends Bash Ketchup, Ditsy Gurl, and Cock E. Dude are on the road to Oz, where they hope to find the rare Evolvochangeo ball.

Heero: "Wow. I can't wait 'till we get to Oz."

Relena: "Like, totally!"

Howard: "Maybe I can find me some prostitutes there!"

Heero: "Ha, ha, ha, ha. What do you think Achoo?"

Random small mammal that was in Gundam Wing: "Choo!"

Heero: "Yea. Just think. You could finally evelvochangeo into a Bigsnort."

RSMTWIGW: "Choo!"

Howard: "Look! I think I see Oz!"

All look to where Cock is pointing, but see nothing. They then turn the other way and see Oz right in front of them.

Heero: "Wow." *rings doorbell*

Professor Man appears at the door in a labcoat, then smiles at Bash and the others.

Doctor J: "Ah, Bash! So glad you could make it, come in, come in!"

Heero: "Thanks Professor Man." All step inside the huge mansion.

Howard: "This is Oz, a house?"

Relena: "Well, duh!"

Sally walks over to them in a nurse outfit.

Howard: "Oh baby!" *Begins drooling*

Sally: "Please follow me, I'll show you to the study."

Howard: "No need to baby, I'm right here!"

Sally: *Rolls her eyes* All follow her up the stairs. She then opens up a big door and motions for them to go inside. There is a large desk in the back of the room. Duo is sitting at it dresses in Gary's clothes, except they're all black.

Duo: "Well, well, well. Bash Ketchup, here to try and get your hands on my balls I see."

Heero: "Actually, I only had one ball in mind. The Evolveochangeo ball. I need it for Achoo."

Duo: *snickers* "Well, if you want it, you'll have to catch three wild Parodymon for me."

Heero: "Piece of cake."

Duo: "In five seconds. Using only your Parodyballs and one Parodymon."

Heero: *frowns* "Fine."

Duo: *Grins* "Good." He then presses a button on his desk transporting them all outside, where Quatre, Trowa, and Zechs all stand, dressed in Pokemon costumes. "All right Bash, go."

Heero: "Achoo, Oogie Boogie attack." Achoo sneezes and entangles the poor pilots in three gooey ropes. "Okay Parodymon, get in my, balls." The three sticky pilots are sucked up into three of Bash's Parodymon balls. "There Hott Man, now give me my ball."

Duo: *frowns* "You give me yours first." Both exchange Parodymon balls.

Heero: "All right, I got the Evolveochangeo ball."

Wufei: "Will Achoo evolveochangeo? Will Ditsy get a clue? Will Cock finally get laid? Find out in next week's episode of – Parodymon, gotta bash 'em all!

(And we're back to normal again)

Heero: "That was, disturbing."

Wufei: "Agreed."

Griff: Aww, Heero, do I have to give you back your spandex? I've become kinda attatched to it, and it makes a great hat!

Heero: "Yes. They're my only pair that I wear EVERYWHERE, and I never wear underwear."

Griff: *Quickly hurls spandex at Heero along with his other clothes, gun, and money*

Trowa: "According to your deal, we can leave now, right?"

Griff: *sighs* Yep, go ahead, and leave poor, little me all al,

Wufei: "No more of that!" 

The boys are about to leave when Heero whispers something into Sir Bash-A-Lot's ear. The mouse smiles and nods, then hands Heero the Basher 9000.

Griff: Well, I've gotta say, that was one of the oddest things I've ever WHAM!

Heero: "Is that enough justice for you Wufei?"

Wufei: *smiles* "Mission Accomplished Yuy."

Griff: -sprawled out on the floor with little dancing bananas floating around her head-

Stormy: *looks over at her master and sighs* Umm, seeing that my master is unable to finish this fic, I'll just do it for her. Thank you and please review! *smiles and waves her paw* Good night folks! ^-^ 


End file.
